Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
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