Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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