What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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