Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
