Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
