get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
