when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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