he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Randomize