Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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