I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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