Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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