Have you finally orgasmed yet?
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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