you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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