The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
