Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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