Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
