if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
