she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
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