I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Randomize
