Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
