I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
