Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
You can't just leave with hair like that
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
