His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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