Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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