I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
