he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize