i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
