you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
