do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
