He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
