My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Randomize