Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
