I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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