WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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