if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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