Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
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