trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
