But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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