I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
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