The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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