Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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