you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
