yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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