How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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