i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
