it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
