the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
