Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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