Whod you bang
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
