my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
