Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
