I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
