i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
