Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
