I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
