Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
