Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
