Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
