i think my mom watched the whole time
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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