Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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