they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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