So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
