just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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