she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
You need Xanax blowdarts
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
