quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
