if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
