So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
