I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
