Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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