at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
You did what with his pubic hair?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize