I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
